I wish I could be someone else. Why do I hate myself so much?
Though never verbalized, those thoughts tromped through my head often, especially at the beginning of 2014.
I had no idea that God looked at me as a priceless treasure. Despite reading Bible verses to the contrary for most of my life, I always thought they applied to someone else and not me.
What’s the saddest story in the Bible?
Different people all have their own opinions, but for me it’s the story of Tamar.
2 Samuel tells her sad tale. She’s Absalom’s sister, and the half-sister of Amnon.
Amnon, under the advice of his cousin, tricked Tamar into cooking food for him at his house. When they were alone, he raped her.
If that weren’t enough, he had his servant toss her out of his house and bolt the door. In that culture, she was finished—no longer a virgin, she would never marry or have a family. Never have a respectable profession. In her shame, still wearing the ornate robe fit for a young virgin princess, Tamar put ashes on her head and wept.
How does a thirteen-year-old kid, whose mother dropped him off at a bus station in the middle of the night and drove away, ever believe that God loves Him?
“However, you are not in the flesh but in the Spirit, if indeed the Spirit of God dwells in you. But if anyone does not have the Spirit of Christ, he does not belong to Him.” Romans 8:9 NASB
There’s a lot that goes on backstage the audience doesn’t see. Sound effects, lights, curtains, a scrim (a curtain-like drop that can either be opaque or transparent, depending on lighting), fog machines, pulleys, and levers all can be manipulated to give the audience a fantastic show. If the audience never notices the crew working the effects, then they’ve done their job flawlessly.
Welcome! Pull up a stool to the props table and let me tell you how all this got started.
In 2014, I thought I was having a breakdown. Turns out, it was a breakthrough. God was trying to reach down and heal the deepest hurts of my past, hurts I’d long shut out in the dusty corners backstage.